Life is full of loss and transition. Throughout the years we all face a succession of chosen, unexpected, and tragic losses. No one is left untouched. We can lose our jobs, our homes, our marriages, our health, or our purpose in life. It is all about separation from things we want and count on. How do we face these inevitable endings and losses?
Grief is a normal, understandable reaction to the pain and devastation of loss. And everyone grieves in her own way and in her own time. However, there are a handful of common reactions we can anticipate. The world of grief can be all consuming. It is common to feel overwhelming sadness, despair, melancholy and fatigue. Tears may flow easily and unexpectedly. It may be difficult to concentrate on the ordinary tasks of the day, leaving you feeling scattered, drained and unproductive. You may find that you can barely get a good night’s sleep and have no energy the next day. For those who are familiar with the world of depression, this is starting to sound familiar. And it is.
But there are differences. Grief is a natural mourning process in response to the many endings and transitions a person faces throughout life. To be alive means we will, on occasion, experience loss and disappointment. The painful labyrinth of grief is a temporary zone we must travel through. And the good news is that the mourning and bereavement period does ease up. The encounter with grief may be as intense and emotionally overwhelming and draining as a dark depression, but the force and magnitude of grief usually diminishes over time.
Another distinguishing feature is that grief is usually trigger-related. Sorrow and sadness can be activated when a bereaved woman is faced with situations that remind her of her loss. She may feel better when involved in a happier situation. Depression tends to extend beyond the quality of events and be more pervasive and prolonged. Grief can morph into depression if the symptoms persist and intensify in severity. Grief expert Stephen Levine in his elegant book Unattended Sorrow posits that healing our losses is critical to a healthy and contented life. In fact, he goes further to suggest that it is the unmourned sorrow and loss that rob us our our peace. Facing our losses helps us grow stronger and softer as we experience the vast tapestry of life.
